Hey, how's it going? I know I haven't written on my blog in a long while... I've been kinda busy... Kinda. Hahahah!

I had planned to go to Puerto Galera last weekend... even if I had to go alone. I guess I was just itching to experience the beach once again. Plus, it had been so damn hot for a few weeks now!

Fortunately, I didn't have to go alone. A few friends from my previous work went with me... or I went with them... I dunno exactly which. Haha! Anyway, we got there Saturday afternoon... got ourselves a couple of nice rooms and started experiencing the beach... sun and all.

My previous trips to Galera had taught me quite a few things... don't drink too much too early... don't be afraid to smile and say 'hi' to people... let them see your fun side... and surround yourself with good wingmen (or wingwomen, in this case).

They didn't know it then, but Dulce and Marj (two of the girls I was with in Galera) turned into the perfect wingwomen that Saturday night! Heheheheh!

We started with the infamous Mindoro Sling after dinner and a sunset walk around the beach.We drank slowly, though (don't drink too much too early). We watched the firedancers do their thing (they were awesome... especially si kuyang hipon na may boyfriend na super cute na Australian!). Then, the bar wenches (who were all drag queens) danced to some Korean girl band dance song.

At first, I had my eyes on this gorgeous kid who was taking pictures of everyone with his DSLR camera. He was tall, slim, dark and really cute. Too bad he was straight. Major turn-off though was that he was flirting with absolutely everyone, going around from table to table and using his drunken charm. I would've loved to have a piece of that, but I thought he was much too hard to pin down at one place for a long period of time. I did say 'hi' to him and his friend and we got ourselves introduced (don't be afraid to smile and say 'hi' to people).

Then, I noticed the cute couple drinking on the table beside ours. One was obviously buzzed and coming off a little flaming; the other was the silent type and just smiled once in a while. I thought the silent one was a nice catch... but I wouldn't pass up on the other one as well. Hahaha!

More than half-way through our second pitcher of Mindoro Sling and we were starting to feel the effects of alcohol. Soon, Dulce, Marj and I were on our feet and dancing to the house music blazing from the bar (let them see your fun side). I'd catch one of the two guys looking at us and I would smile at them.

Soon enough, the flaming guy was on his feet as well dancing by himself as his silent boyfriend looked on. Since he was dancing alone, I thought it was rude if we didn't invite us to join us. So I put my arm around his shoulder and joined him while he was taking a picture of himself, and then asked him to join us.

He said his name was Chris and he introduced his boyfriend as Borj. After a little persuasion, Borj was dancing with us as well. Chris readily admitted that he and Borj were together... it was so easy getting information from him because he was too drunk to know better. Hahah! Chris asked if they could join our table, and of course, we agreed.

This was our third pitcher of Mindoro Sling, which meant that I had probably lost most of my inhibitions by that time. So, soon enough, I was visibly flirting with both Chris and Borj. When we got back to the table, Marj engaged Chris in a conversation, while Dulce and I talked to Borj. Eventually, Dulce became an observer while I talked to (and seduced) Borj (surround yourself with good wingmen).

After we finished our pitcher and the boys finished their beers, Chris wanted to party some more, but Borj said Chris was too drunk. I told Chris to go to the water and swim for a while to sober up a little. Unfortunately, he just rolled on the sand while he was walking towards the waters. So I picked him up and told Borj that we better get him back to their room. I tossed some change to the girls and told them I'd help Borj carry Chris to their room.

When we got to their room, I sent Chris to the shower while I flirted with Borj a little. They had a double decker, both queen-sized. Borj told me I could take the top bunk if I wanted to stay the night. Chris stumbled out of the bathroom naked and Borj had to wipe him dry with a towel. I helped in getting him on the bottom bunk of the bed. Borj put a shirt on him, but couldn't find a pair of his shorts. So, I just snatched away the towel and covered him with the blanket.

As Borj went into the showers, I told him I'd better try to get home. I went out of the room and started to trek my way back, but I (conveniently) got lost. So, I made my way to the room and found Borj taking a shower with the door open. I told him I got lost and I'd better stay the night with them. I was staring at his naked body all the while... and I wasn't hiding it.

I washed my face and washed my mouth with toothpaste and water in the bathroom as Borj toweled off. He was already lying next to Chris when I climbed up to the top bunk. I was about to doze off when I heard Borj calling my name and telling me that he was going out to buy some water and he could take me to my room. I said okay and went with him.

When we got to my room, I knocked and called out for Marj and Dulce. Fortunately, they were dead to the world and were not answering the door (great wingmen, I tell you!). So Borj told me it was okay and I should stay in their room. I thought it was his last-ditch effort to resist temptation.

After we bought a bottle of water, we made our way back to their room... and I was all over him while we were walking. When we got there, I went straight to my bunk and started dozing off, thinking that I would climb down in a while to try to get both of them in a threesome.

Borj, though, didn't go to sleep. He went out of the room for a while... to smoke, I suppose. Then, after he got back in, he went to the bathroom. I thought that was weird and I knew something was up. I was dozing off to sleep when I felt his hand on my shoulder. He was telling me to move over to the far side of the bed. He climbed up and lay beside me. Of course, I had my arms around him in a matter of seconds, and I spooned him.

Soon enough, my hands were going all over his body as my lips explored his neck.

I'll leave it to your imagination what happened after that. Hahah!

He took another shower after that, though. And after his shower, he went back to sleep beside his boyfriend as I got in the bathroom to clean myself up. I made my way back to my bunk and slept until the sun began to strike my face.

They were still sleeping when I got up. I decided not to wake either of them. I silently got myself out of the room and made my way back to my own room.

No, I was never planning to get in the way of their romance. Like I said, I wanted Borj because I thought he was a catch, but I wouldn't pass up on Chris either. I wanted to have a threesome with them. I could have been the stranger they wouldn't have to meet again ever. I guess Borj had another plan. And on their third year anniversary as a couple, Borj was with me... while his boyfriend was sleeping deeply on the bottom bunk.

I'm just glad I won't have to see both of them again.

So... I have a whole new site.. and not just for my blogs either.

The new site is still under development. But at least this blog site is now up and running.

So, what's new with me? Hmmmn...

Well, I'm still single... but the dry spell is over. Hahah! What I meant was that I'm going out now a lot more than I used to and I'm meeting a lot of new people.

And yeah... there's the sex, too. Hahahaha!

Just last night, I went to Blue Sapphire with Rain and Jonathan. Rain was supposed to bring along Hanz (my ex) because I was planning something wicked. Heheheh! Let me try to explain this kinda complicated situation...

Hanz and I were together for about 2 weeks during the early part of the year. After we broke up, we still hung out and even had sex. But it was clear, at least to me, that I'm never getting back together with him.

Anyways, even when we were already broken up, Hanz insisted that he doesn't have anyone. It was a lie of course. He had been with a few guys, maybe not official or anything, after we broke up. (I'm not even sure he wasn't with anybody else when he was with me, but that's beside the point.) It really didn't matter to me, though, if he had someone new. I mean, it's not like we're still together, right?

But for some reason, he lied to me about it... well, them, actually. Hahaha!

Jonathan is a kid that Rain met and fell in love with a few of months ago. He couldn't reciprocate Rain's feelings, though. But he's a sweet kid... really cute, too. Haha!

Anyways, since Hanz became Rain's boss a couple of months ago, they started hanging out as well. A few weeks ago, Rain invited Hanz to hang out with them at Jowee's. So, there was Hanz, Rain and Jonathan. And since I'm working in the same building, I joined them during my break.

That's when everything started between Hanz and Jonathan... after I left them to go back to work... right under Rain's nose. Before the night was over, Hanz already had Jonathan's number... a few days later, they became officially together... well, as official as any closeted relationships could be.

The thing is... Hanz convinced Jonathan not to tell anyone about them, to which the kid agreed. But the kid couldn't really contain his feelings. It was obvious on his Friendster profile that there was already something going on between him and Hanz.

Of course, it didn't go past by me. And it didn't go past by Rain either. It would really be hard not to notice, anyway.

Aside from that, Jonathan, knowing that Hanz and I used to be together, had started asking me questions about Hanz... primarily because Hanz was still being Hanz and he wanted to understand why.

And boy, did I give him a downlow! Haha!

So, Jonathan hesitated a bit, but finally admitted to me that he and Hanz were already together. But when I asked Hanz about it, he flat out denied it. (Kinda hard to ignore the text messages, though. Right, bby? Haha!)

So, I did the first wicked thing when I baited Hanz during that IM. I knew he'd deny it. I guess I already knew him too well. The next wicked thing was that I saved that chat and forwarded it to Jonathan. Then, even more wicked is that I asked Jonathan out that day... we just had a meal together and then went to see a movie and then spent the rest of the day together... some people would call that a date. But we couldn't call it that because he was still very much with Hanz that time. Hahaha!

To make it short, they were broken up a few days later... and I had Jonathan in my bed after another few days.

No, there's nothing really going on between Jonathan and me. We're just friends... with a lot of benefits. Heheh!

So, going back to last night... Rain was supposed to bring Hanz without him knowing that Jonathan would also be there. I just wanted him to squirm as he watched two of his exes getting it on. Hahahah!

Unfortunately, Hanz did a Hanz thing again... he canceled at the last minute.

Fortunately for me, I still got laid anyways. Hahah!

But I was so looking forward to a threesome... Well, maybe next time...

c",)

I saw you last night. You were walking with Alei and you were wearing your Verizon jacket. You were smiling. You looked nice.

I had a blast in Puerto Galera the other night, just like you wished. I met some new people… partied all night… got a little wild. No fucking though.

Don’t get me wrong. I wanted to. But alcohol couldn’t quite take over my resolve against casual sex. I swore off casual sex a while ago. Bet you didn’t know that. You think I’d fuck anything with two legs that could walk. Truth is I’m done with that life. I don’t wanna be that guy anymore.

Given that, it’s kinda absurd that you think all I wanted from you was sex. I know Inan planted that idea in your head. He likes to think that he knows me. He doesn’t. He doesn’t have a clue what I’m all about. Nobody does, really. It’s funny that he thinks he and I are alike. He’s nothing like me. We’re not even in the same league.

Some little birdie also told me that you said that out loud… I mean me wanting only sex from you. That’s sad. I wouldn’t deny that I wanted to fuck your brains out. Can’t help that. I really, really liked you. But if it was all I wanted, I would’ve fucked you when I had the chance the first time we got together and then claim later on that I was just drunk. Instead, I settled for a “relationship”.

I was so excited about getting together with you, too. I mean, it’s really been a long time since I was in a relationship. I was ecstatic about being “the boyfriend” again. I failed miserably, of course. I guess I wasn’t really the boyfriend material, after all. Then again, you weren’t either.

The weekend after we got together, you remember that? You were the one who told me you’d spend it with me. I got everything in my house ready for you. I washed all the dishes in the sink. I tidied the place up. I bought groceries and cooked food for you. I even cleaned up the goddamn bathroom.

I texted you to ask you what time you were coming over. When you didn’t text me back, I tried calling you. You didn’t answer. Three hours later, you texted back saying you couldn’t make it because you need to accompany your mom for a check up, which you could’ve told me the day before so I wouldn’t have made a big fuss about you coming over when you really weren’t.

You said you’d come over the next day instead. Truth is, I was already really pissed at the time. You cancelled on me on our very first real date. How do you suppose I should feel? So, I told you to forget it. I got work.

Louie told me that it was too early to start a fight. So, I just let it go. Well, I tried. And I was doing so good at it… at least until I realized it was eating me up inside… silently.

For the next few days, I tried to invite you to hang out after work. I even waited for you a couple of times. But after getting only excuses from you a couple of times, I figured this wasn’t really getting anywhere. That’s why I didn’t ask you to hang out the next weekend. I figured you’d just try to find another excuse to squeeze yourself out of it.

Truth is I was looking for an excuse to start a fight. And you gave me a damn good one. So, I showed you my other side. The jerk. The confrontational, no-holds-barred, foul-mouthed asshole. What can I say? In less than two weeks that we were together, you brought out the best and the worst in me.

So, I did what needed to be done. I ended it. What hurt me the most, though, is that you let me end it that easily. You didn’t even fight to stay with me. You just accepted it. This from a guy who says he loved me.

It was funny how you always profess that you loved me. You told our colleagues at the office that you did. You texted me that you did. Truth is I never really believed you. I didn’t believe you because you never said it to my face… while looking me in the eye. You never really look me in the eye when we talk. It makes me think that you were always hiding something from me.

Did you ever notice that I never said it back? I always told you that I cared about you, but I’d never said I loved you. Because the truth is, I wasn’t there yet. I have feelings for you, that’s for sure. Is it love? Not yet. You never really gave me the chance to fall for you. So, I got stuck in infatuation and frustration.

More emphasis on frustration because you totally defied my definition of what a boyfriend should be. I told Louie I should have said this when I was breaking up with you: “If I wanted a girlfriend, I’d get myself one.” But that was just mean, I know.

Then again, if anything that Francine and Drew were saying was true, that would be worse than anything I could say to you. Truth is I don’t believe them. They were drawing a picture of you that I couldn’t recognize… like it’s a totally different person that they were talking about. Then again, I don’t really know you that well, do I? We never got there, either.

But for the sake of my sanity, I really can’t believe them. I mean, it’s unfathomable for me why you would want a puff-eyed fish fry when you could have me anytime you want. I know I’m not as hot as I used to be, but I still am way, way better on my worst day than that guy.

What I could believe, though, is you denying that we were together. And you said so yourself. You denied it when someone who lives near you asked you about us. That stung like a motherfucker. It could be worse, though. You could’ve denied us in order to get laid, which is one of the things that Drew was claiming.

Well, it’s just a sad, sad situation, really. I wanted you. And I told you that if you wanted me, too, I’m yours. You said you did. Apparently, you didn’t. Or, at least, not enough.

It’s done, then. It’s really over. And I’m moving on. No use waiting for you.

Maybe someday you’re gonna look back and regret that you didn’t fight for me harder. Then again, maybe not. Maybe someday you’re gonna feel comfortable enough in your own skin and be free from all the fears and insecurities that you have now. Maybe someday you’ll finally find the courage to be with me. But I can’t wait for you anymore. I can’t wait for you to grow a set of balls. I can’t wait for you to finally be honest with me and to yourself. I can’t wait for you to be in the same place as I am now.

And I most certainly will not go back to the place you’re in now. It’s suffocating in there.

Word of advice, though… Don’t get a boyfriend yet. At least not until you get your shit together.

As for me, I probably won’t be jumping into any relationships for a while. My first boyfriend scarred me for life. And the last one reminded me why I don’t do boyfriends.

Maybe I should just go back to casual sex after all. Hahaha!

—————–

It’s your birthday today. Happy Birthday. c”,)

So… I’m kinda seeing this new guy at work.

I knew I liked him the first time I saw him. But there were just a few complications then. So I didn’t tell anyone how I felt. I mean, not one soul. And I never showed him, or anyone for that matter, how much I liked him.

Then, last Wednesday, after I found out that there would be a scheduled power outage in our area that would last for 9 freakin hours, I went with a few officemates to a drinking session sa Taft (sa Tafat ng SM — Haha!). Of course, he was there as well.

So, he sat beside me and about 3 or 4 Red Horse beers later, we were already holding hands. A couple of beers later and I already gave him the I’m-yours-if-you-want-me line. And before the day ended, I officially had a boyfriend.

In less that 24 hours, everybody in the office already knew about us.

And I haven’t even had sex with the guy yet!

I don’t really know what’s gotten into me. I never rush into a relationship… except for that one time almost 10 years ago with Bryan… and we all know that didn’t go very well for me.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not saying I’m regretting this. This could be a good thing for me. I mean, I really have no idea how to be in a relationship. I don’t even know when to start panicking if my boyfriend isn’t texting (2 days or 3 days of no text?).

This is all so new to me.

Am I to consider his feelings and opinions now before I do something? Am I gonna need his approval? Am I supposed to be worried if he doesn’t text me often enough? And how often is “often enough”?

Damn! We haven’t even gone to an official first date yet! (Which was supposed to happen last Saturday if the fucker didn’t cancel on me at the last minute, which I really would have been pissed off if I wasn’t so sick that I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything this weekend anyway.)

I really didn’t think this through, did I?

But man… I was so happy last week that I couldn’t get that silly smile off my face.

Is it too early to initiate a first fight if it hasn’t been a week yet?

Hahaha! I am so screwed…

When I was newly promoted as TQA Supervisor over a year and a half ago, I was presented with a dilemma: I could use my new-found powers to advance the careers of someone who was close to me at the time… someone that I liked very much.

I could have used that power to have my way with him. And I probably wouldn’t have been questioned about it because I had the utmost trust of my superiors. But I didn’t.

I’ve always tried to steer clear of things that would put a question on my credibility. Even if it was unfair for other people. I don’t really care about what the general public thinks of me or the decisions I make. But I do care about what my subordinates and superiors think of me when it comes to how I conduct my business.

It’s important to me. And I take extra precautions to make sure that I conduct my personal and professional affairs separately. Like what my friend George said to me a while back… never shit in your own backyard. And I had always tried to conduct my business with that in mind.

Good thing about me is that I could deal with my professional and personal relationships separately. I mean, I could have a professional and personal relationship with someone and keep those relationships distinct and separate. I could reprimand a subordinate and still be friends with him. And I make sure that I treat my subordinates the same way whether they are personally close to me or not.

But the truth is… I’m only human. And I know in my heart if I wouldn’t be able to keep my personal feelings from my professional decisions. And that’s when I always make the decision to choose me over someone close to me.

Like I said, a year and a half ago I could have promoted someone I liked. He was qualified for the job, too. But the thing is, I knew I would have had given him small favors even if he didn’t ask for it. I would have had given him the best schedule… I would have had offered him offset RDs… I would have had let him off the hook if he was late… I would have had made excuses for him if he was absent… I would even have had offered him to report to Makati from time to time if I knew it would be more convenient for him even if he really had no business being there… and I would have had given him all the best trainings that the company could offer even if my other people deserved to have those trainings before he did.

And even if I really didn’t mean anything by it, I’m sure people, especially my people, would have noticed the little favors I would have given him. And I would have lost the respect that they have for me.

So, even if I wanted him to be so much closer to me, I was relieved when I was informed that he didn’t pass the HR process. I could’ve waived HR’s decision. I could’ve made a Policy Exemption for him. But I didn’t.

No matter how much I wanted him to succeed in his career… no matter how much I wanted him working close to me… I didn’t lift a single finger to help him out. I didn’t think it was worth it to lose the reputation that I had built in the last few years. When it comes down to it, I would always choose me.

I knew it was unfair for him. He would’ve been an excellent QA. But I don’t think it would be beneficial for him if people thought he only got his promotion because he was close to me. It would have hurt him in the long run, too. If ever he would get his promotion in the future, there should be no doubt that he got it because he worked hard for it and he deserved it. Not because he was close to me or anyone else.

Truth is, when it comes to me, the last thing one should do if one wants me to promote him is to become too identified with me. That was his mistake.

But I think he knows that now.

Like I said, if it’s just a random nobody who would question me, I wouldn’t give it a second thought. But I value my subordinates and my superiors’ opinion of me. My superiors assess my performance. And my performance is assessed through the performance of my subordinates. That’s why it pays to keep them happy. That’s why their opinions count above all else when it comes to work-related matters. That’s why they come first. Even if I had to sacrifice a friend’s career advancement.

I just don’t think it’s worth it.

It was kinda funny, really. I mean, the pathetic attempt to smear someone just because he got ahead so fast. It was nothing more than pure jealousy.

Green-eyed monster showing up in its ugliest form.

But it’s not terrifying at all. Like I said, it was, well… uhm… funny.

I could practically hear those people gritting their teeth as they shouted “This is so unfair!” at the top of their lungs.

News flash: Life is not fair. If it was, I would have had the perfect boyfriend that I’ve always wanted (haven’t I suffered enough?!?). But alas! I’m still single. You think that’s fair?

The thing that these people need to learn is that you don’t get ahead by playing fair; you get ahead by playing to your advantages… by capitalizing on your strengths and compensating for your weaknesses… by taking full advantage of opportunities that come along your way. And you would never get ahead by complaining about how unfair the world is.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Why don’t I start from the very beginning…

Arx is a really cute boy. No doubt about it. He is also a dog, but that’s another story. And he could probably get away with anything by just flashing his brilliant smile… well, almost anything.

The thing about Arx is that when he sets his mind to something, he would do everything to get it. And when he came out of his second PST, he set his sights on being a trainer.

I guess Clarence saw that fire in Arx’s eyes and took him under his wing. (I’m not sure, but that’s what I think.) So, Clarence started hanging out with Arx and his hot brother Lex, as well as their PST classmates. And when I feel like it, I hang out with them, too.

I guess it became apparent to everyone at work that Arx and his friends are very comfortable hanging around me and Clarence and that kinda sparked a little controversy.

And now that Arx is officially off the phone to be a Training Associate (a position that’s not really a promotion, but more like a training program for future trainers), it got even more controversial.

As soon as it was announced, a text message was sent to the Operations Director saying something like Arx was “promoted” because he was good-looking and he was close to “2 managers”.

Personally, I was insulted. My very first hate-text and I wasn’t even named! It’s like playing an important role in a movie but being tagged as Manager 1 in the credits (or is it Manager 2… I’m not really sure).

Funny thing is that I never really had a hand in that. I only found out that Arx was officially going for it when Clarence sent out the schedule for the Presentation and Final Interviews for the applicants. Besides, I don’t handle TQA concerns anymore, even if I still do have a significant influence over my previous team.

Even more ridiculous is that the texters made it sound like Arx is this dumb himbo who goes through life the easy way by just flaunting his looks. So not true.

If they even tried to get to know Arx at all, they’d find out that there is something in that beautiful head. It’s not an empty shell, I swear!

But they were right about one thing, though. By hanging out with Clarence and me, and the rest of the TQA officers, he did get an unfair advantage. I mean, when you hang out with the Masters long enough, their brilliance would eventually rub off on you.

A little tip here and there while casually talking about work during a drinking session could go a long way if you knew how to use those tips to your advantage.

SO, the questions remain…

Did Arx get the TA post because he was brilliant during the presentation and the interview? I have no idea. I wasn’t there.

Did Arx have an unfair advantage over the other hopefuls? I think he did have an advantage. Whether it was an unfair advantage or a fair advantage really depends on a person’s understanding of the situation. Personally, I don’t think it was unfair.

Was it unfair that Arx became a TA on his 3rd month as an agent? Well, I can see how someone who had been an agent for 2 years could see that as unfair. But then again, I had only been an agent for 3 months before I got offered the Trainer position in ACS. 6 months later, I became a Senior Trainer. 7 months after that, I became a TQA Supervisor. And after a year, I became a Shift Manager.

In less than 3 years in the Call Center Industry, I had been promoted 4 times! Was that unfair? Not if you worked your ass off to get where you wanna be.

The thing is, you’d never get anywhere if all you do is complain. Yeah, life is unfair. And there’s no use fighting it, really. You gotta learn how to use that “unfairness” to your advantage if you wanna be successful.

Besides, nobody likes a weasel. And nobody listens to a rat. At least nobody important.

Learn it. Love it. Live it.

I like green eyes. I used to wear green contact lenses that really looked perfect on me. Some even thought they were real. I guess I looked good in them as well.

But then, I wish they were just plain real… I wish my eyes were just green, not the boring dark brown that I have now. Then again, I doubt if I’d be contented if my eyes were really green. Maybe I’d be jealous of James Marsden’s beautiful blue eyes. Then, maybe I’d wish mine were blue as well.

The thing is, I always want something that I know I can’t have. Can’t help it. It’s human nature, I guess. Or, at least, my nature.

Then, there are things that I thought I want until I actually have them and I just totally lose interest. Take that bicycle I bought a few months ago. I thought I wanted it, so I bought it. Now, I don’t even use it anymore. It’s in my backyard gathering rust… probably. I mean, I haven’t even looked at it in a while.

And now I want something else. Or at least I think I do. I don’t know…

Last Friday, I was in one of my dark moods again. Maybe it was because my friends Arx and Sarah were acting like brats. Arx mostly. I mean, I could only take so much whining in a day, you know.

We were supposed to hang out at Clarence’s apartment after work, but I just opted not to join them. I mean, I wasn’t really invited personally anyways. It was just assumed that I was coming… or the invitation was relayed through the others… I forgot… it was one of those things. I guess sometimes it just bugs me when I’m not really the first pick. (Now, I’m being a brat. Haha!)

Nah, my dark mood wasn’t really because of that. After all, there were times when I was invited to a wedding or some party (with a real invitation), and I chose not to go just because I didn’t feel like it.

Maybe I didn’t join them Friday morning because Arx was holding some girl’s hand. I mean, part of the fun with regard to hanging out with this bunch is my overt flirtations with Arx. If he had a girl with him, that kinda diminishes the fun.

Then again, I wasn’t really in the mood to flirt with Arx last Friday because I was still pretty pissed at his whinings about his new team. Acting like some spoiled brat doesn’t really increase his pogi points.

Maybe I was just stressed out. After all, it was a pretty stressful week doing uhh… well, you know, like uhm… (what the fuck did I do last week?!?!?)

But then again, I had a full day and full night’s sleep last Friday. And then slept some more on Saturday. And then got invited again to a drinking session Sunday morning, which I turned down, too. I just didn’t feel like going out, is all.

Fuck! I need a major ego boost right about now. I’m feeling like the last kid picked on the playground… or the kid who was told to just stand under the hoops and look mean because he can’t be trusted with a basketball.

And the most frustrating thing about this is that I don’t have a fucking clue why I’m feeling this way. It’s not like I’m the King of Loserville… but I feel like the freakin’ Crowned Prince.

Aaarghh! I need to see a feel-good movie… Where the fuck is that High School Musical DVD when you need it?!?

It was already dark when I woke up. I flinched at the dancing lights coming from the TV, which I forgot to put to sleep mode a few hours earlier.

My bladder was screaming for release and my stomach was grumbling for food. I groaned loudly. I didn’t wanna get up if it weren’t for these natural necessities.

I still had quite a lot of cooked adobo in the fridge. And I also still had about 2 cups of rice. That would be enough for a satisfying meal.

I groaned again as I forced myself to stand up and get to the bathroom to relieve myself. After washing my hands, I took out the rice from the fridge and shoved it in the microwave. I also took out the adobo and put it on the table, awaiting its turn to be nuked.

I looked at the clock; it’s almost 7PM. Still early if I wanted to go out and have some fun. But then again, I still had to take a shower and dress up and pimp myself, which could take well over an hour. Then I’d have to catch the last bus to Manila if I wanted to have some serious fun (Lipa just doesn’t offer any place to have what I would call “fun”).

The annoying beeps of the microwave had drawn me out of my thoughts. The rice was ready; I just had to nuke the adobo and I’d be ready to eat. I shoved the adobo in the microwave and set it at 60% power and 3 minutes timer. I took a litro pack of Nestea Iced Tea and dissolved it in a liter of cold water as I waited for the adobo to be heated up.

“Maybe Adj and Rey would wanna go somewhere tonight,” I thought. But then again, how many times have I declined their invitations for a night out. It had been a very long time since I had gone out with my college friends. It was always one thing or another.

This is probably the only thing I hate about having a nocturnal job. You just can’t find a lot of time to go out with “normal” friends. And when I did have the time, I usually didn’t have the money to go and have some serious fun. Tough luck.

The beeps signaled that the adobo was ready. I sighed as I took it out of the microwave. I set the table and began eating.

I looked at my table. It could seat 6 people… but usually, there’s only 1 person in this table: me. I sighed.

Then, I laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself for being so pathetic. There I was, eating alone… nowhere to go… and not even having the desire to go anywhere. Not even having the desire to talk with or text my friends. Not even having the desire to see or be seen by other people.

For some reason, having a Supernatural DVD marathon seemed more inviting.

And it was a Saturday night.

I laughed at myself again. No wonder I’m alone.

It’s been a while since I’d last updated my blogs and a lot of things have happened to me.

For one, I got promoted again.

At the time, I wanted the promotion. I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s progression, right? But recently, I’d been asking myself if I had made the right decision taking on this new job. I dunno… but WTF?!? it’s not like I could tell everybody to just give me my old job back. After all, they’ve already hired somebody to take over my old job.

I’ve been at it for a little over 2 months now. I’ve been feeling the pressure of the new job for that long as well. But I’ve only felt the money a week ago when the adjustment had finally kicked in.

So, I texted my sister and told her that I was going to Divi to buy myself some new clothes. Naturally, she wanted to come. And as it turned out, she bought a few blouses and I got myself tons of pirated DVD and a new cellphone. WTF?!? I didn’t even get a single article of clothing! Not even a new handkerchief.

It was her fault. She pointed out how cool that new China phone was for just P4,000. (Actually, it was only P3,800 but I paid the extra P200 just so I’d get the 1Gb memory card.

Now I have a new cool-looking, cheap phone with tons of features… and the complexity of a woman’s mind. The phone is fucking impossible to navigate!

And now I still have to buy at least a couple of new pants because for some reason, my mid-section keeps on getting bigger. I miss the days when I could eat tons of food and I wouldn’t gain an ounce. Now, if I eat another cup of rice I’d have to expect another inch on my waist. WTF?!?

Yeah, I know… I gotta start going to the gym again and get my weight under control. Gotta get back in shape. Just one problem… I have to find the right time to go to the gym so there wouldn’t be any cute guys there. Because if there are, then the only muscles that I’d be exercising are my eyes… and, well, probably the thing between my legs. WTF, right?

Besides, if I start going to the gym, I’d have to live healthy as well. And lately I’d been spending a lot of time drinking. Can’t help it. I’m a sucker for cute boys. And I really couldn’t say no when a cute guy asks me to hang out. Especially since the alternative is to simply stay home alone, watching the DVDs that I bought. That’s pathetic, I know. So, WTF?!? I’d take the beer belly and a couple of hours hanging out with Cutie even if he’s hopelessly straight.

But on the second thought, maybe I should go back to the gym and get myself back in shape. After all, I was able to hook up the last time I went to the gym. Maybe I’d get lucky again. Haha!

I know, I know… I gotta get a life. A new boyfriend to go with that would be nice, too. But WTF?!? Right this moment, I’d settle for a good lay.

I’ve been reading a lot of Nifty stories lately and I was kinda surprised at my reaction to some of them. I mean, it’s understandable if I get disappointed when it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to (i.e., the two main characters end up together in the end). But the thing is even if they do end up together, I still get a little disappointed if they don’t experience their first gay sex with each other.

I know having the love of your life be your first is kinda idealistic. I mean, I certainly have nothing ‘first’ to offer the love of my life when he comes, except, probably, my heart and soul. But I guess I just can’t get rid of the hopeless romantic in me.

I messed up almost all my firsts. I had real feelings with the first guy I sucked off. But the whole thing could practically be considered rape since he really didn’t want to do it with me. I got my first blow job with a guy I didn’t know. Same with my first wet kiss.

I had absolutely no feelings for the first guy I fucked. I didn’t even really liked him that much. But he was there, and I was horny. And the first time I got fucked? I was just curious and it didn’t look like it was gonna hurt all that much coz the guy had a pretty small dick. (I mean, come on, I had a bigger dick than that when I was 13!)

I was right. It didn’t hurt that much. At least not physically.

When I met and fell in love with Bryan, that’s when I wished I had waited. Even though Bryan wasn’t really crazy about butt-fucking (he liked getting blow-jobs; I liked getting both ass and head, still do), I still wished he was my first. Even though Bryan and I weren’t really meant for each other, at least I could’ve been in love with the guy who fucked me the first time.

But I can’t turn back time. Much as I want to.

Another thing that disappoints me a lot is when the two main characters share themselves with somebody else. When one cheats on the other or when they invite some other guy for a threesome, or worse, an orgy.

I’m not gonna be hypocritical about this. Having a threesome or an orgy IS fun and hot and kinky. But I really do think that it’s only okay when you’re not committed to somebody.

I don’t wanna sound uptight and I certainly wouldn’t impose this on anyone, but I know in my heart that when I commit myself to somebody, he’s gonna be the only one. I wouldn’t want anyone else touching me. I wouldn’t even flirt or mess around with another person. And I certainly wouldn’t want to share my man, either.

I know that sounds unrealistic. I mean, we’re men. We’re bound to slip up. It’s, like, imbedded in our genes.

And I could probably forgive my man if he would mess around with other guys as long as it would be purely physical and there would be no emotional attachment at all (doing it more than once with the same guy would kinda involves emotional attachment already). In fact, I would prefer him telling me about it (not the gory details, though) rather than lying to me about it. But, for sure, I would be very hurt and I would be very jealous.

As for me, I already had my fun. And I still could have my fun now that I’m still free. But I know in my heart that if the love of my life comes today, I would gladly give this all up in a heartbeat. And I know that I could stay true and committed to my man and only my man.

But then again, that’s just me.